Tuesday, May 26, 2009

ENVY

Instead of covering envy within the scope of the internet, I was on this occasion inspired to take a leap of faith outside the box: What envies the internet?

Sure, it has stridden into society, quickly and efficiently claiming dominance over many facets of our lives. However, surely there are some parties who are not so satisfied with its success? Surely there is someone who would like to complain about the quick and efficient dominance of the internet, and of society’s willingness to comply with its powerful grasp?

According to Clay Shirky, newspapers should. In his article, ‘Newspapers and Thinking the Unthinkable’, Shirky addresses the threats that internet journalism poses to the ever-romanticised Sunday morning paper.

Shirky is in clear support for the replacement of newspapers by a newer digital model, and is of the opinion that a revolution in the way the press operates is the result of the international explosion that is the world wide web. However, he offers no solution to the current problem presented by the internet's effect on print journalism. "Who covers all that news if some significant fraction of the currently employed newspaper people lose their jobs? I don't know. Nobody knows. The internet turns 40 this fall. Access by the general public is less than half that age. Web use, as a normal part of life for a majority of the developed world, is less than half that age. We just got here. Even the revolutionaries can't predict what will happen."

Despite not knowing what the future brings, it is undeniable that online journalism offers so much more than TV, radio or newspaper media forms can keep up with. Instead of waiting eagerly, dinner on lap, for the 7 o’clock ABC news (with the ever eager weatherman Mark Carmody, should you be lucky enough to live in Canberra and therefore witness his obscenely large corsages nightly), videos are available online, with the desired news stories accessible at the click of a button. Radio broadcasts are the same, posted on the internet, or even available for subscription in the form of a podcast through Apple’s iTunes.

Newspapers are taking the hardest hit. The Big Scoop that is published in the morning is old news these days; it’s been splashed dramatically across all homepages, talked about on blogs, linked on social networking sites, etc etc. Print media just can’t print as fast as we can type, copy, paste, hit enter.

From the Drudge Report to the less famous online blogger (such as yours truly), internet journalists are growing fast. Qualifications, university degrees and experience in the field of journalism are now no longer needed. So long as one is equipped with an internet connection, their thoughts can be heard (irrelevant of how many are actually listening to aforementioned thoughts).

I feel sorry for print media. With many prophesising its slow descent into nonexistence, my appreciation for newspapers has increased. One prediction (expressed by my English teacher, who had heard it expressed from an unknown source) calculated the last newspaper landing on a doorstep in 2043.

However, Joe Burns isn't a believer in the expiration of print journalism. "Will the Internet obliterate print media? I highly doubt it. Will we get rid of our television sets and radios? Ditto. The Web will just be yet another place to get information and entertainment. That's about it. Oh, yes, it'll make a dent in the current media formats. It's doing that now. But will it kill them altogether? I just can't see it."

Personally, I would like to agree with Burns: I would like to think that the internet is just going to be another source of information, and entertainment, and that the other, more established forms of media will stay around forever.

This is unrealistic. Internet has revolutionised communication, the entertainment industry, the international political landscape, our entire society. We no longer need letters, or phones; we have email, instant messenger, and Skype. We don't need to go and buy CDs or DVDs, they're available for download. Record companies are discovering bright new stars on MySpace music pages. Everyone has an opinion on everything. No degrees, no qualifications. The internet allows enormous, one could argue in some countries, infinite freedom of speech. Who needs surveys, who needs a newsreader, who needs the front page, who needs the feature article?

Despite this, I'm going to miss newspapers. I’ll miss the romantic aspects of newspapers, such as the smell, and the feeling of a fresh copy; not yet dog eared, or torn, or hijacked by noodle-hungry house invaders for the Sudoku. I’ll miss looking forward to Wednesdays, Sundays and Mondays for the Canberra Times (Food & Wine, Relax and the Guide), and weekends of Sydney Morning Herald goodness (I looooove Good Weekend and Sunday Life, spesh the Number Crunch, the quiz, the weird thing where they show you two pictures and a phrase and you have to figure out how they’re linked, and the recipes and Food Mafia).

But, in all honesty, staring at a computer screen and trying to co-ordinate the scrolling so that the right amount of text disappears and reappears at the correct speed is simply not appropriate for weekends. I’m going to admit it: I will dislike internet journalism eradicating newspapers, much like the rabbits eradicated the bilbies, because screens hurt my eyes. And, more than anything else, as one of my very good friends once said: “You cannot sit down on a Sunday morning, with your bacon and eggs, and just scroll.”

LINKS

Newspapers and Thinking the Unthinkable by Clay Shirky

Net to Crush Newspapers? by Joe Burns

Below: Clay Shirky, Making Digital Durable (but only if you're full of tolerance: the time appears to be over one and a half hours)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

ENVY PT 1

So, I'm currently sitting in Investigative Journalism, my first class of a Monday morning, trying to recall exactly how I managed to get from home to school.

Sitting next to me is THOMAS PAUL CARROLL. (He thinks he's funny because he said that his middle name was Peter, not Paul, but it's not that funny. Well, it's a little funny)

I did my research on Tom's coolness, asking those around me how cool they thought he was.

D: "Hey, Laury, do you think Tom's cool?"
L: "That Tom?"
TPNPC: "YEEEAH!"
L: "YEAH I THINK HE'S COOL!"

D: "Danielle, do you think Tom's cool?"
Other D: -silence-
TPNPC: "YEEEEAH!"
Other D: "I said sure!"

From this extensive research, I can only conclude that THOMAS PAUL NOT PETER CARROLL is the coolest eva.

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to celebrate the coming-of-age of another comrade.

HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY LEYLA!

Leyla herself is also pretty darn amazing, and radiates kindness and bubbliness to all of those surrounding her. All that know her are extremely lucky, and in the case of THOMAS PAUL NOT PETER CARROLL, extremely cool.

In conclusion, I am envious of Leyla's coolness, kindness and bubbliness, and THOMAS PAUL NOT PETER CARROLL's extreme coolness.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

WRATH



The exertion of wrath over the internet is better known, these days, as cyber bullying. I would say that the term ’cyber bullying’ is a pretty common one, what with teen magazines covering it at least 4 times an issue. Cyber bullying can range from online-chat fights, the ever classy MySpace / Bebo / Facebook slander sesh, the extremely public sharing of scandalous gossip… it goes on and on. Cyber-bullying has been the start of many a phenomenon, from real life fights (“I’m gonna fkn bash ur head in 2moz on the oval!”), to friendships (“Omfg she’s being soooo unreasonable… we’re all here 4 you bub, dontchu worry bout the shit she’s throwin your way, no1 believes it… xoxo”) or pop culture revolutions (Gossip Girl, anyone?).

But these are all just MY observations. When observing a cyber fight, I believe it is important to witness it firsthand.

The extract below comes from a real cyber fight. Not fabricated and taken from the pages of Girlfriend magazine, but from the angst fuelled fingertips of a teenager. Observe:

“Oh my goodness, wow you really showed someone up, boy you did, you really showed me.."yes you did show her" showed me how immature a person can be bahahahaha heaps tough aye, you're soo proud of yourself i bet that it's an accomplishment you can gang up on someone hahahahahahha pshhh..picking uhh "cyber fights" haha you're soo tough with your keyboard i'd be suprised if you say half the things your typing to someone elses face.
you start it all talk s--t about people you don't even know it's called karma..you start it and we keep going.. you have soo much to f--ken critisize about then goodness you're no better sitting there wasting your time… talking about someone you don't even know like i sit there all day and am like "OOO THIS GIRL THIS GIRL SHE THINKS SHE'S KING S--T...I TOTALLY OWNED HER" bahahahaha picking on me… f--ken grow up act your age get your head out of you’re a--e.
you're not tough..thinking you're a hectic c--t.
"but seriously YOU need to grow up, get entertainment from something other than SITTING THERE B---HING ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW MANIPULATING THEM OVER THE INTERNET, acting like a d--khead."
quote of my life.
i think my quotes rather more inspiring oh s--t i just thought i was good somehow no not inspiring try f--king REALISTIC...
i'm suprised anyone could still look at you from the things you do.
orrr you're a sick c--t mate.”

 Personally, this type of cyber-bullying disappoints me. Cyber-bullying in itself is quite pointless; it will generate nothing more than extra website hits for one lucky person, and chances are, both parties will be over the fight within a fortnight. However, this particular brand of cyber-bullying is even more disappointing because it lacks imagination in every sense. Instead of actual hard hitting insults, profanities are employed, with fucks and shits just put in random places in sentences to make them more aggressive. The English language is much more expansive in terms of insults that can be compiled from normal words, but tacky cyber bullies will always resort to their ridiculously unoriginal and unprofound messages.

Also, upon closer examination of said cyber-bullying extract, it is evident that the offender has said almost nothing within the 254 word rant. It could, in fact, be concluded in dot points:

-          You are immature.

-          You are not tough but you think you are.

-          Do not waste your time trying to abuse me because I am and always will be better than you.

-          In conclusion, my personal opinion is that no one likes you.

I could rant about how much I don’t like cyber bullying for 300 words, employing the use of sarcasm, excessive laughter, utilisation of profanities, and saying that because I don’t like cyber bullying, no one ever will.

Instead, I will use the ever-handy dot points:

 

-          Cyber bullying achieves nothing.

-          Often, it is just entertaining for other people to observe.

-          The fact that other people can observe it is a complete flaw in itself; it is just a platform for attention seekers to show everyone how much they can swear in under 1000 characters.

-          Unfortunately, people do take cyber-bullying seriously.

-          Because of this, there are lots of negative coincidences, including kids leaving their school, developing depression, and contemplating suicide.

-          It is not worth someone losing their life over someone else laughing and swearing at them over the internet.

-          In conclusion, people who think they’re tough shit cyber bullying are just stupid bitches wasting their time behind their own safety net that is their little fucken keyboard… they need to grow up and move on hahahahaha… no one takes what they’re saying seriously anyway.

Monday, May 11, 2009

SLOTH PT 2


Getting lenient with your internet security?

Possibly not the best idea. Admittedly, I’m not the biggest or most loyal devotee to the numerous internet security services in existence out there, but I am one to admit to a fear that my laziness will eventually lead to my financial and social disposal

My financial disposal: I’m browsing all the most super fashionable fashion websites cause I’m just so damn fashionable. I see a cute $367 sequinned vest, with the same body coverage as a nappy would have on a grown man. Nevertheless, I’m a slave for style. So I click, ‘Add to cart’, and the catastrophe begins.

Unfortunately, my numerous trips to somewhat questionable internet dating, gambling and strange video sites have led me astray. Without my knowledge, a deadly virus (which will from herein be known as DeadlyVirus1) has squirmed its way into my computer, tearing it apart from the inside.

As I enter my imaginary credit card details in order to purchase aforementioned $367 nappy-sized-sequinned-vest, DeadlyVirus1 supposedly REMEMBERS MY KEYSTROKES, and sends them back to his evil master, MeanEvilStealerDemon666 (witty, aren’t I?).

MeanEvilStealerDemon666 then drains all of my credit accounts to invest in the establishment of his newest project, a brothel set out in the countryside (for those who like it fresh in the fresh air).

My sudden poorness leads to the failure of my next credit history check. In order to remedy the pain that my newfound supposed poverty has inflicted on me, I choose to compensate by acting in an emotionally destructive fashion, and I sleep with my boss’s husband. She finds out and I get fired.

With no income and no more money, the bank takes my house back. I am homeless, jobless and moneyless. Damn it. Hence, financial disposal.

Scenario 2: It’s Saturday night, and I’m feeling preeeeetty damn fine. So it’s time to break out the hard liquor, and consume an insane amount of straight vodka (because spirits are now cheaper than alcopops and therefore more appealing, thank you Kevin Rudd).  This is set to not only have detrimental effects on my liver, but also my reputation.

My 43rd best friend, who happens to be in my company on Saturday night, is equipped with very handy ‘capture the moment’ equipment, and the very handy social networking weapon of mass destruction: Facebook.

Within 20 minutes of my drunken behaviour (which involves getting low, getting shaky and liking just the way people are) is posted for the world to see. Oh dear.

My boss is a bit of a creep and chooses to indulge in some Facebook stalking on a Sunday night. By Monday morning I’m fired, because, unfortunately, I decided it would be a good idea to wear my work uniform on my unflattering night out, and now I am ‘misrepresenting the company’. Yeah, thanks Boss. You never told me Toys’R’Us staff were supposed to represent the company in a child-friendly way. I never would have assumed that or guessed that or anything.

So, now, the situation continues in a horrible downward spiral: after losing my job, I seek emotional comfort by seducing my boss’s boyfriend (the main lady of Toys’R’Us has got to have time for both husbands and boyfriends, she’s a bit of a diva – which, as so eloquently described by Beyonce: ‘…is the female version of a hustler’). My friends are all shocked by my behaviour and no longer want to know me, so I burn my house down in an act of angst.

Once again, I am jobless, homeless, incomeless and now friendless.

Moral of the story: Don’t put everything on the internet. Untag those dodgy Facebook photos. Buy that $367 nappy vest on a computer you know is more secure. A little caution could very well change the course of your life.

Disclaimer: The above two scenarios are completely hypothetical and do not seek to portray any real life persons. Also I am sure that all Toys’R’Us staff are very squeaky clean and not at all alcoholic. And the purchase of nappy vests / excessive consumption of Smirnoff does not necessarily entail homelessness, joblessness, incomelessness or eternal loneliness. However, if you do find yourself in this situation, just steal a cat. You can use it to provide your food for a while, should you not mind eating rats, and then you can sell it for lots of money by selling it as ‘vintage and limited edition’ on the internet.

Monday, May 4, 2009

SLOTH PT 1


I refuse (in a lazy fashion, which is how this post is related to sloth) to have an online fight with Michael about WoW.

However, I will agree to formally retract my statements regarding its shortcomings should Michael choose to have a party.

Happy 18th Eve Michael!

Observe the above image and let it fill you with joy as we celebrate Michael systematically dancing his way into his eighteenth year, and the fantastic journey of manhood that awaits him. Best birthday wishes.


Check out Michael's blog, The Reactionist and witness firsthand his newfound maturity.

GREED


As Ryan and Sharpay so famously (or not so famously, you decide) declared in the Disney-channel mishit High School Musical 3: ‘I Want It All’.

Who said there was an economic downturn? Sure, maybe we’re not buying cars or houses or surround-sound systems, but with all the cash that’s piling up from not splurging on things that are useful, we can open the door to extreme materialism: which is only aided by INTERNET SHOPPING.

Canberra is a small place. Admittedly, not as small as other places, but just that little bit too small that we don’t have amazing markets, amazing culture, or, an amazing shopping experience. But, not to worry, because even though you may find yourself limited by choice from walk-in stores, with a few clicks of a mouse and a few numbers - taken from your mum’s credit card, if you’re lucky (or just clever and somewhat dishonest) – your choice is suddenly unlimited.

Hats, earrings, scarves, make-up, lingerie, t-shirts, skirts, shorts, jeans, skinny jeans, super-skinny jeans, jeans that look like leggings but are actually jeans, leggings that are actually leggings, gloves, onesies, glasses, Justin Timberlake’s old glasses, YOUR old glasses – your choice is unlimited.

And it’s not just things you can wear. Literature, artwork, music, electronics – it’s all better over the internet.

You can get your books cheaper, your art exclusive, your music limited edition (with extra DVD and a signed t-shirt!) and your iPod engraved, bonuses you can’t find in shopping centres.

Teresa Daly certainly agrees that internet shopping is the better way to shop, praising its time and money saving properties:

"When gifts or specialty items are needed, a lot of time can be consumed by driving from store to store searching for the perfect thing. So, along with gallons of gas, online shopping can save hours of time.

Need a beach chair? Go to BeachChairs.com. Need a book? Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Books-A-Million all have websites with a vast selection of books and related items."

According to the ever trusty Wikipedia (another internet phenomenon), internet shopping first surfaced with the first online bookstore in 1992, when Charles Stack invented Books.com. Prior to this, B2B or business-to-business transactions had already taken place in the early '80s.

This makes it hard to pinpoint online shopping's inventions or origins on one specific party, but I deeply love all of its contributors. The idea of exchanging money over the internet for something in return is ingenious. Some of the biggest fads, obsessions, et cetera can be sourced or linked back to the internet: the fad of Threadless t-shirts, the annual clamour for Big Day Out or Splendour in the Grass tickets (with Splendour tickets selling out in just 77 minutes this year, according to inthemix.com.au), the newest albums from the forty hippest coolest and most super bands now available for purchase from iTunes with an ITUNES EXCLUSIVE BONUS TRACK.

Greed is an interesting thing. The idea is often put forward that it’s bad, and that you shouldn’t be allowed to want everything at your fingertips. I’d say greed is pretty natural. And so, in saying that, I believe you should all listen to your governments: Spend, spend, spend. With Kevin Rudd giving so many people $950, just cause, it’s about time you got online and spent all of it in one sitting. Because when it comes down to it, consumerism is priceless.

So, quick! Be greedy.

---------------------

Need to greed? Get started here.

eBay:Perhaps where it all started. Bid as you please, but try to avoid getting sniped in those crucial last 15 seconds.

Threadless: Selling funny and witty tshirts that T.U.T.A.N.K.H.A.M.U.N Fashion would approve of.

Splendour in the Grass Ticket Sales: Big Day Out is THE summer music event in Australia, but if you don't mind the cold and a road trip up to Byron Bay, be sure to grab a ticket to Splendour. On sale Thursday 14th May, 9:00AM AEST. Bloc Party and the Flaming Lips are headlining, so get in quick cause they sell out ridiculously fast.

Apple Store Australia: Be quick to conform and buy 472 engraved iPods and a MacBook. Or just see what all the fuss is about.

Amazon: Get books (and much much more) online here.



Sunday, May 3, 2009

GLUTTONY


Our parents were notorious for their addictions to marijuana, bad haircuts and flare pants. We’re going to be notorious for our addiction to the internet.

Facebook is the latest in social networking madness. MySpace caters for those expert at HTML and taking photos of themselves at flattering angles. Bebo caters for a slightly lazier, slightly more tween clientele. Twitter is one of the newer up-and-comings, for those who like their friends to know what they're up to at all times, and is supposed to be used by many celebrities. Facebook, however, is for everyone.

“What’s new on Facebook? I suppose I should get to doing something important and productive, but instead I’ll let my skin get pastier as I check up on who has updated their status in the 7 minutes since I last checked.”

Facebook is useful for some, but addictive for others. It’s a time consuming practice, and when a good session of Facebook stalking is being done, the clocks seem to move a lot faster than usual. There’s something addictive in being able to judge others whilst being sheltered from them. It’s like being able to stare at someone from ages without them knowing you’re doing it.

Dr. Kimberley Young, an expert on internet addiction since 1994, says that Facebook is rapidly changing in terms of its use, and its helpfulness to society. "Facebook has become an indispensable way to find old friends, schedule events, play games and even send virtual gifts. But if you’re doing more living online than off, it might be time to reassess. Many students (and adults) are now seeing Facebook more as an addiction than a networking tool, and psychologists are starting to agree."

Dr. Young also compares a Facebook addiction to a gambling problem. "Frequent Facebook visits actually cause something psychologists refer to as intermittent reinforcement. Notifications, messages and invites reward you with an unpredictable high, much like gambling. That anticipation can get dangerously addictive. It is an entire world where one can easily be seduced and sucked in"

The constant use of the internet turns into abuse. Facebook is supposedly meant for catching up with old friends, but leads to endless time wasting scrolling through photos of people who have merely dyed their hair strange colours and grown a few centimetres since you last saw them. 

However, unhealthy as gluttony in relation to the internet and services it provides can be, I can’t help but appreciate Facebook. We can’t learn or gain a whole lot from them, and yes, it can be the cause of someone’s complete deterioration socially or otherwise. But then again, I also think it’s fairly safe to say that pot, bad haircuts and flare pants didn’t really benefit our parents either.

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Check out Dr. Kimberly Young's Center for Internet Addiction Recovery by clicking here, for more information on Facebook and other internet related addictions.

Below: Video of a 60 Minutes piece on Facebook, interviewing Mark Zuckerberg, the 23-year-old behind it all.


LUST

With communication revolutionised by the internet, it’s hardly surprising that romance has become easier to experience and achieve once access to cyberspace is given to a ‘sexy single’.

Suddenly, it’s possible to HotHeather69 (currently located in Sydney, Australia) to communicate with FoxyFranz44 of Germany, across the other side of the world. But FoxyFranz44 isn’t HotHeather69’s only suitor. Now that her options have extended to international waters, a girl (assuming that HotHeather69 is, in fact, a girl and not a misfortunately named / psychologically disturbed male) has got to play the field.

This is where GorgeousGeorge87, Sexc_Stefan and Cutie-Chung-Ho38 all come into the picture. Suddenly, HotHeather69’s internet chat-time is being dominated by four (with many more to come, I can assure you: I hear she’s quite the bombshell) different guys, all from around the globe.

And despite online-romance’s bad reputation, lasting relationships have been known to blossom from the piles of failed attempts, adorned with winking emoticons and xoxo’s. However, the successes are often lost in amongst the horror stories of online meetings gone wrong, and so it remains common opinion that although it’s fun to sin with lust on the internet, sexy singles are much sexier in person. But, don’t let it stop you from letting all the FoxyFranz44s of the world from knowing just how much you like long walks on the beach.